Some days–when I can’t get them to shut up and/or stop taking selfies in class–my students are obnoxious. Most days they’re perfectly fine, and some days they are so hilarious they make me laugh so hard I cry. Here are some of my favorites from the first semester:
The Thanksgiving Day fiasco
On Thanksgiving, I decided to do (what I thought would be) a fun exercise in which my students, pretending to be turkeys, had to convince us to eat their partner instead of them. It basically went like this:
Me: First group, come on up.
Student A: Please don’t eat me, I am skinny. Student B is fat. You should eat Student B.
Me: Urgh, well, I wouldn’t call Student B fat per se…Student B, why don’t you go?
Student B: My partner is very very fat. Eat Student A.
Me: Yes, well, very interesting. Next group, your turn.
Student C: Look at me, I poor, I hungry, I thin. Do not eat me. Eat partner, partner is very very fat.
Me: Oh dear. Student D?
Student D: I have very hard meat, not soft, because skinny. Student C is very soft and fat.
Me: Yes, yes, morbidly obese, next group please.
Student E: My partner is so fat.
Me: YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
Student F: Do not eat me. I have 15 babies. Student E has no babies. Eat Student E.
Me: OH THANK GOD.
Student: Also, she is fat.
The perils of the Mongolian wilderness
One of my classes, after a lesson spent reading/studying fairy tales, was tasked with updating their fairy tale of choice to take place in Mongolia. One group was having some serious pronunciation problems. I stepped in to help. We drilled this pronunciation for, no lie, ten minutes, and I thought for sure they had it down. Alas, Hansel and Gretel (or should I say Bat and Tsetseg) were unfortunately abandoned by their mean dad in the middle of the Gobi dessert, where they would have died had they not found a ger made out of cheese curd.
Simon Says “Exercise!”
We were playing Simon Says to practice imperatives. The student who was currently Simon said, “Simon says, ‘swing your hips!'” But since it legit took her forever to think of another command, the rest of the class was left swinging their hips for a solid five minutes. When Simon finally said “Stop,” Teacher Tina made the mistake of saying “Whew! That was a work-out for my abs!” This immediately set all the other students chattering excitedly in Mongolian before one of them started pushing her hands together and twisting them. “Teacher, Teacher! How say this?” And gestured. “I’m sorry, what?” “How say this in English?” “What…your breasts?” “YES, TEACHER, BREASTS. SIMON SAYS DO EXERCISE, MAKE BREASTS BIGGER.”
Of course Teacher, being an idiot, attempted to argue with them: “Guys, no, that’s not how that works. You can’t make your breasts bigger by pushing your hands together.”
“YES TEACHER, SIMON SAYS.”
Teacher needs have words with Simon.
Taxi Drivers and Police Officers
While doing our movie unit, my students had to, in small groups, write and act out a scene from a movie of their own invention. That entire class was comedy gold–it included a horror movie called “A Letter Came From Hell” that involved a murderer frantically running around the underworld screaming “WHERE I AM? WHERE I AM?”, a romance called “The Truest Rose” that involved Charlie Chaplin seducing Angelina Jolie while another dude who was into her sat in the background and cried, and a thriller called “What About Jack?” that entirely consisted of the following conversation: “Is this Jack’s brother? “Yes.” “SHUDDUP. YOU GIVE ME ONE MILLION DOLLARS OR I KILL JACK.”
But my personal favorite was a scene from an action movie called “Taxi Drivers and Police Officers” in which a girl is pulled over by a cop for speeding. “Wait, wait,” she says to the police officer, “Let me call my brother, he is taxi driver.” The taxi driver-brother was played by another girl, who promptly pulled up to the scene and said to the cop, “Are you a cop?” When the cop–played by one of only two dudes in that class–said yes, the girl-brother slapped him so hard across the face that the kid flew backwards. I laughed so hard my students thought I was dying, and I didn’t feel super bad about it because the kid with the hand print on his face was laughing really hard too.
There you have it: it’s been a pretty enjoyable semester. Hopefully after finals my students won’t hate me too much, so that next semester will be equally as enjoyable!